Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
