I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Vodka?
Forever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
