guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
