I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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