you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
