if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
