I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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