Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
