dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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