Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
