when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
