her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
