i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
