$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
