i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You are the jesus of drinking
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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