sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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