Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
