you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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