She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting