we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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