my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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