but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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