it was like eating out sand paper
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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