Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
