i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
