16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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