Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
