my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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