shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
