...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think people are normalizing furries
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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