: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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