just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
