He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
