I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
