Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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