if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
