he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
