would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
