I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Pooping to opera.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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