While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
