whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
