yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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