i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
