Don't make out with my wife yet
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
