if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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