thus making me awesome and them whores
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My penis needs a shock collar
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
