So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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