I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
someone owes me an orgasm
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
