i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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