do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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