This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
