I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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