I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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