Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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