five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A bitchslap is in order.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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