how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize