I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
