He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Found the puke drawer
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
