i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
