I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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