I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
