Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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