i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
