If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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