i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
