he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
