Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
