Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
