Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
