Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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