So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
smell my finger.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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