I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
