i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
