I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
