Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
