I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
