he puts the penis in happiness.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
