i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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