maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
