and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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