I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
