I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
