I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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