you didnt know i had herpes?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you will always have a special place in my vag
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
